There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
