Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
