Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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