so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
