i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Randomize
