im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
