Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
