She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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