whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
