so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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