You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize
