I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
