whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
