First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
