Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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