I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
