the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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