Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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