it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
