FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
