do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
