I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
