Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
