Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
