He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
