Too much gin, very little bucket
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
he had hair everywhere except his balls
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Randomize
