If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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