I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
