i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
