Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
