Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
