Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
