just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
