I think i sorta joined a cult last night
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Randomize
