puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
