PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
