Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
