Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
