What tipped you off? The sombrero?
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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