I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Randomize
