You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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