dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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