Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
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