The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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