so that wasnt chicken after all
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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