So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
