You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
