He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
