Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
