I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
