my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
