just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
